Forgive. A small word that takes immense strength - strength of mind & heart. In our life we come across people who bring joys & pain to us. While we cherish (and sometimes forget) those who brought joys, we never forget those who brought pain. Rather, we never forgive them. Why? Well, may be our ego doesn't permit or the act of not forgiving becomes our way of taking our sweet revenge. Or may be we lack strength - Inner strength.
Forgiving someone who has brought troubles and pain in your life is certainly not easy. It is all the more difficult if your experience was extreme with much bitterness to live with. But one fine day we all realize (our conscience) that whatever happened, happened for a reason. It taught us something. It made us the person we are. It brought pain but that pain became our strength to do something better in life.
Its not just people who bring about pain or troubles. Sometimes we fall prey to situations or conditions which cause trouble. Then we start blaming our life. We start developing bitterness towards our life. And all this without a realization that life after all is us. We are living, our life is within us. So by cursing and blaming it, we are just blaming ourselves. But again, think of everything you went through in past ten years of your life and you will realize, that everything happened for a reason. People or life, both brought in joys and pains for some reason. You learnt something from those experiences. You became more aware of yourself. You became stronger from within (will power). You became more experienced.
Forgiveness doesn't come in a day. It takes time. You might think about an incident or an occurrence in your life. It troubled you then. But over a period of time you deal with it and gradually it fades off your memory and life. Today, when you look back at that time in your life, you will approach it in a milder way (than you did at that time). Today, you might see the reason why it happened. Today, you might feel lighter about it. Today, you might even wonder if there was a better way to deal with it. Today, you might consider it with more justice than you did at that time. Today, you will have a desire to let go of this hatred you've felt all along. Today, you would like to forgive that person or situation (Life) which caused pain / trouble. Today, you would be ready to Forgive. You just need to give it some time.
Forgiveness is the key to gathering more love for those around us and life in general. Many a times our close family or friends act in ways that hurt us. It might not be on purpose, but certainly it hurt us. And thus begins the never ending chain of harboring ill feelings, having hatred, desire of revenge and so on. But if we give every incident some time, think over it for a few days, let it get milder, we probably start looking at it in a different way. Our outlook towards it changes. We act more justly. And slowly we reach a point where we are even ready to forgive, not just forget. Once we forgive someone (or show mercy on our life!), we feel lighter in our heart. We feel as if the burden of pain/sorrow/troubles has eased off, healing that pain in the process.
You don't need to love the person who caused suffering, you just need to forgive and look at the entire phase as an experience that taught you something. Forgiving is like cleaning up some space (that was occupied with junk and rotten stuff) in your heart to store more compassion, love and warmth. Its nothing but making space in your life for better things, more joys, more love. Isn't it something we do around our home all the time? Clearing up undesirable stuff to bring in nicer things that we love?
Forgiveness takes time. The sooner the better. Otherwise its our life and heart that is burdened as long as we don't forgive. When people say they have forgotten whatever happened, they don't mean forgiveness. Because it is an act that takes place from within your heart, not just words. It is okay to not forgive instantly (sometimes you are able to do this instantly too!), but over a period of time we must learn this art. Otherwise, we keep burdening our heart with a vicious circle of remembering pain, growing hatred towards someone, making our heart feel heavier and back again to remembering pain. And it isn't worth the precious life you live - happier after forgiving.